Entitled Neighbor Banned My Kids from Playing Outside Because They Break Her Rules – I Went to War for My Kids
“Fifty-eight decibels,” I announced calmly as Simon laughed at something Abby said. “Still completely legal according to your rules, Melissa.”
“Those aren’t my rules!” she screamed. “Somebody made fake rules! Somebody is trying to make me look ridiculous!”
Mrs. Patterson from across the street couldn’t help herself. “Well, they’re not trying very hard,” she muttered, loud enough for everyone to hear.
That’s when Melissa completely lost whatever thin grip she had on sanity.
“I’ll have every single one of you arrested!” she shrieked, pointing at me, the kids, and the gathered neighbors. “This is harassment! This is illegal! Everyone needs to leave this playground immediately or I’m calling the authorities!”
I looked around at the faces watching this spectacle. These were reasonable people who understood that playgrounds were meant for children to play on.
“Fifty-nine decibels,” I said, my voice steady as a rock. “Still within your parameters, Melissa.”
And that’s when she whipped out her phone like it was a weapon of mass destruction. “Fine! We’ll see what the police have to say about this!”
Ten minutes later, two police officers walked up to the playground with the weary expressions of people who’ve seen too much neighborhood drama. Melissa practically sprinted to them, waving her arms and talking so fast I could barely follow her words.
“Officers, thank goodness you’re here! This woman is deliberately violating every neighborhood noise regulation we have! Her children are laughing above acceptable decibel levels, and she’s using some kind of device to mock my authority!”
The first officer, a patient-looking man in his 40s, glanced at me, then at my kids playing happily on the swings, and then at my obviously toy noise meter.
“Ma’am,” he said to Melissa in that calm voice cops use with unreasonable people, “this is a public playground. Children are allowed to play here.”
“But the rules!” Melissa shrieked, her voice reaching frequencies that probably bothered dogs three blocks away. “The neighborhood rules clearly state that excessive noise is forbidden!”
“The ones I distributed to maintain order and peace in this community! The ones that keep property values high and ensure we live in a civilized society!”
The first officer looked at me with raised eyebrows. “Did you agree to any special neighborhood rules?”
“Nope,” I said, holding up my noise meter with a completely straight face. “Just making sure we stay within normal noise levels for a public playground.”
Melissa’s voice climbed even higher. “She’s mocking me! She distributed fake rules to the entire neighborhood! She’s turning everyone against me!”
“And what exactly are these fake rules?” the second officer asked.
Melissa started sputtering. “Dogs wearing socks! Birds needing permits to sing! It’s all designed to make me look foolish!”
The officers exchanged one of those looks that said everything without saying anything.
“Ma’am, I need you to lower your voice,” the first officer said firmly.
“I will NOT lower my voice! This is MY neighborhood! I have worked too hard to maintain standards here to let some newcomer destroy everything!”
What happened next was more satisfying than winning the lottery, finding the perfect parking spot, and getting green lights all the way home combined into one perfect moment.
The officers tried their best to calm Melissa down, but she kept escalating. Her voice got louder and her gestures got wilder. She started pointing accusingly at random neighbors who had gathered to watch.
“All of you are in on this! You’re all against me! I’ll sue every single one of you for harassment!”
My kids had stopped playing and were watching with fascination as this grown woman threw a tantrum that would have embarrassed a two-year-old.
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